I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
