Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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