You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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