omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
