Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
