just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
FUCK WHALES
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
