That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
