Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
