Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
