um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm at about main and main street
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I don't deserve a penis
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
