dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
