I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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