I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
