Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
