I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
