You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
