I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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