Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
