Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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