i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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