I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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