Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
