Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
