she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I have tasted many bathrooms
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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