I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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