I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
