she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize