He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
