this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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