so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
