I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
