I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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