he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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