Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
