if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
