I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She's the barista slut.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
