Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
