Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize