Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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