I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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