Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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