She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
