so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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