I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
