oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
