i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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