I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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