Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
