I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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