Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize