can u get pink eye on your cock?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
