She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
