Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
