I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
