I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i love accidental penises.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
