Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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