Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
