Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
