well I can't set my house on fire every night
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize