I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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