Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
