Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
