The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
