There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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