Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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