you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
