She went from zero to smokin in five shots
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
