If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
