separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
