I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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