He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
