There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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