i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
