once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
