Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
