soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
