I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
