You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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