Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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