He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
