You smell like a Billy Joel song
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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