went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
