Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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