so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just high enough for therapy.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
