he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
