He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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