so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
did i walk over a car last night?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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