fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
