you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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