I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
