i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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