so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize