You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
