I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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