I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
